the version that's meant for you
everything is always working out
we’re wrapping up week seven of the artist’s way, which means I’m heading into the final four weeks of the 12-week course. and I’ll admit, I slip more and more out of this course each week as I feel into the realization that maybe this course wasn’t the right timing for me — or that its impact would’ve been stronger, more significant had I done this and committed to it maybe two years ago when I originally bought the book, or four years ago when I first left tech, or six years ago when I first moved to kauai, or seven years ago when I was in the midst of crazy burnout in LA.
and instead, I find myself reading this book, skimming through, feeling like I want to speed ahead — like, “I’ve already completed this,” or “this feels complete.” yet also knowing that this 12-week course is arriving as it should, when it should, how it should. and isn’t it funny how we have perceptions and ideas and expectations of how something like a spiritual path to higher creativity, a 12-week course, can actually arrive in a different way? in its own creative, special way.
week seven is about recovering a sense of connection, having the right attitude around our creativity and receptivity of it. it really focuses on listening, perfectionism, risk, and jealousy.
risk is a really interesting one. one of my best friends often reflects to me that I have a high risk tolerance. meaning I have explored, pursued, considered, and gone all in on soo many different types of jobs and experiences. and more than anything in the last four years, I’ve taken these major risks to actually step out of a full-time job and have no idea where the next paycheck is coming from. and I know for me, I couldn’t have done that if I hadn’t done some of the inner work and learned my intuition before that. it’s not to say that it’s been more successful financially than if I stayed in those previous jobs. but it has guided me to the most profound, interesting, unique, cool experiences that do have this common thread. they are pulling me in a certain direction. they are so significant, and if I hadn’t taken those risks, I would be living in a completely different way.
and I think one thing that really was a unique perspective that drew me in this week was about how art is not about thinking something up — rather, it is about getting something down. it’s not the doing, it’s the receiving. (I wrote about this more in from force to flow) instead of reaching for something, we’re engaged in the listening. and I think that’s such a perfect way to frame the experiences I’ve been through in the last four years. a deep listening.
my journey from a career perspective is pretty fricken cool. as I’ve tried to capture what these past few years have been like, I just keep hearing: my life makes no sense and perfect sense at the same time. it often makes no sense, and then — of course. of course these things are happening. of course these moments are aligning. of course I go into a business conversation last week, and while I’m walking out the door wrapping up the conversation, the CEO drops a piece of information that is laughable. of course I’ve been drawn to this individual and their business. and there is this thread that has been so persistent in my life for the last four years that gets looped into this completely separate business, and I’m like, of course this is happening.
and I can tie it back to an exact moment — I’m on a hike with a friend this last december, writing down notes in my phone. his career developed at deloitte, big four consulting background, and he had said: “write down these words. these are your skills. these are the things you need to define and make sure people know you do.” and one of those specific things he gave me in this more formal business language is the exact path that is coming to life right now. this new potential project would be that exact thing. I could find the words in my notes app. I can truly feel into that exact moment, I know where I was on the hike writing it down, as if I knew that moment was going to be significant later.
now, as it has arrived, I feel all in on it. I feel lit up by it. I feel excited by it. and there is a part of my knowing — when I woke up this morning — being like, oh. I know I am meant to pursue so many of these things, and they may not actually pan out, but I am meant to emotionally and mentally just fully go all in on this excitement, because it’ll lead me wherever I’m meant to go next.
and that is the listening. the true engagement of the listening, the flow that this book has talked about for weeks.
and I’m really happy to say I’ve leaned away from perfectionism which week seven attempts to pull you away from. in fact, I have gone forward with rolling out undrstory in its imperfect form, which IS its perfect form. the imperfection is the perfection. the rough draft is the starting point.
which brings me to side quests.
it’s become popular in social media and online content — these kind of random, offbeat pursuits that are maybe not your thing, or the thing, or the main thing. and I find myself, in this career journey, having gone down these kind of hilarious, random side quests and experiences.
it’s not the career, it’s not the skill, but — how fun that I got to be a cook at a cafe. how fun that I got to open a wine bar. how fun that I got to take international museum consultants on a tour of kauai, meeting with executive directors of major tourism attractions, nonprofits, and businesses around the island. to also having dinners with council members, and now with an upcoming election, I’m like — oh, I’ve sat and had dinner with that council member. I’ve sat and had a meeting with this mayoral candidate in this very informal yet professional manner. and I’ve walked into a gathering rubbing shoulders with politicians and community leaders as they talked about developments on the north shore.
the randomness of things I have learned, touched, engaged with, and become aware of — I think it’s SO fun to have this information, this inside view of a vast array of things. I’m wired for it, honestly. as a 5/1 generator — the investigator, the problem solver — I love collecting information precisely because it primes me to solve problems I haven’t even encountered yet.
so this week, although the exercises weren’t quite the medicine I needed, their own version already formed for me. a version of it came to life naturally — just not in the form the book intended. the very first task this week was to make this phrase a mantra to lean into: “treating myself like a precious object will make me strong.”
it didn’t quite land for me. and again, it’s not anything against this book — it’s just how interesting that these themes are getting woven into my life in their own version. as if they have their own soul, their own life, their own creativity. and how cool that a unique version exists for me.
because instead, there is one phrase I have been saying on repeat. like again and again. in circles, on walks, out loud, inside, and so on. I’ve been listening to it nonstop. it is lighting me up, it is exciting me, it is keeping me curious. it is:
everything is always working out for me.
everything is always working out for me. and because things are always working out for me — how can I better tap into the things that I do want to happen? what are those things that will work out for me? because I know they will, because everything is always working out for me.
it is this beautiful nine-minute audio clip of abraham hicks, and it is activating something powerful in me — a trust, a clarity, a natural high that feels so good. and so I thought it was fascinating: I was already in this relationship with this mantra when the task this week was a different mantra, and I was like, it’s okay. it’s not this one, because I have the one I need this week, and this is what it is. this one is mine.
so for me, I’m learning the imperfection is beautifully aligning. the course does not need to come through in a prescribed way. it does not need to match the experiences of others. in fact, it’s actually more beautiful to come through in its own unique way that is exactly what I need — because everything is always working out for me. so of course, this is happening in the exact way it should. and how beautiful.
everything is always working out for me. all of our unique versions get to come through with their own life, their own edge. because everything is always working out for me, for you, for us. we may have an expectation or idea of what a course, a class, a moment, or an experience is meant to be. yet — can we hold the knowing that everything is always working out for us, such that we can trust that the version we receive is the exact version that is meant for us? because everything. is. always. working out for me.
~ start from the beginning of the 12-week course:
