Learning in Loops
circling back to the dream
It’s been a while since I’ve written here. I reread what I shared last September here and here, and it feels connected again as this eclipse season arrives.
I’m proud of that version of me. I wrote with confidence, with clarity, and I believed deeply in what I wanted.
Now, a year later, I’m sitting in a different place. I’m working full-time at a tech startup, and most weeks I can barely make it through before wanting to quit. I miss the energy I had to chase my portfolio career. I still long to build my own consulting practice.
Maybe this is part of the refining. Maybe this role is here to shape the final pieces.
I’ve been dreaming of a network of freelancers, a circle of 10 or 15 people, each with their own unique edge. A group I can call on when a project arrives, and they can call on me. We show up together as an A-team, ready to shake things up.
As I write this, I’m sipping a glass of wine on a Friday after work. The exact person I said I didn’t want to be. And yet, it’s okay. It’s also a reminder. A nudge back toward the dream.
Dreams take time. They bend and shift. I had more to learn. More to experience.
The job market doesn’t scare me. AI doesn’t scare me. I know abundance exists. I see the economy shaping things quickly. Fundraising is rough. Startups still carry the same chaos I used to thrive in.
What’s changed is me.
In past roles, I stretched myself far beyond what the company could hold. I poured in more than there was stability to support. Now, I want to build something that is fully mine. I want to work with visionary collaborators, thoughtful builders, and leaders who inspire me. I want a mix of clients that light me up in different ways.
I want to wake up to an alarm I choose and excited for the day ahead. I want to work with people I trust, people who challenge me to think differently, where the growth feels mutual.
The question I keep circling back to is whether to build my own company or consult for others. Maybe the answer is simply to prove to myself that I can build something real, that I can trust myself to lead.
When I look back, I see the things I declared last September are the same things I still want today. I wrote about ways of being I was ready to release, and here I am, a year later, repeating some of them.
This is not failure. Growth does not move in straight lines. We zigzag, loop, and circle back.
So wherever you are today, if you feel off track, it’s okay. This moment is part of the path.
Life here has been good. Kauai feels full of adventure. Even this moment, repeating patterns I swore I was finished with, is not wrong. It’s refining me. Teaching me. The winding path can still be joyful and successful.
Keep winding.
🌀